A Suicide
Today I witnessed a man commit suicide. I want to forget - but, at the same time, I feel as though I have experienced more of life (somehow).
Many of us were waiting for the 9:56am train at Bayshore to go towards Penn Station. I was rummaging through my brain of the things I needed to do before my interview at 4pm, others were on their iPods; we were all just waiting. The train signals rang. I got closer to to the train platform to be towards the back of the train, This meant that I would be one of the first to see the train coming. To my let stood a middle-aged man in jeans and a long sleeved shirt and a stuffed backpack. To my right stood (what seemed to be) two grandmothers and their granddaughter - not older than 7 years.
As we all turned our heads left to watch the train apprach to a hault the man with the backpack fling himself onto the tracks. He hit the front of the train and fell. I had seen enough, as had everyone else, when the remainging waiting passengers turned their heads and filled the air with an aura of panic, uncertainty as to why this had just happened, and shock.
The train abrubtly stopped in the middle of the tracks. I walked to where I would no longer see the train - I didnt want to know what his body looked like now.
I caught my breath. A girl, about my age, came up to me and said "Did you see that? Are you okay?" I must have looked ghost white ad expressionless (as I did for the rest of the afternoon). "Yes", i replied, "Are you okay?" She was. And began to tell me she was Israeli and had fortunately never seen anything like that happen in Israel (where suicide is frequent) and had to come to Bayshore, Long Island to see it happen.
I ended up taking a cab with the Israeli girl and two other women to the next train station. I didnt want to stick around to see anything else, the news and the movies do that enough for me. During the 10 minute cab ride, two of us sat silent (I was one of them) and the others were talking about what happened.
I made it to the next station, bought a cup of green tea, and got onto the next train to NYC.
...I am not one to condemn those who wish to commit suicide. In fact, I am yet unconvinced to why, if a person is so miserable in life and wants to die, should others stop him/her. However, i do not believe that if a person is going to commit suicide he/she should do it in the public eye - and even more so to stop people from traveling and going where they need to be. (But, maybe we all need to be haulted in our daily habits once in a while?) Yet, the young girl who is too inexperienced with her emotions and perception to turn away the second he hit. She watched everything and will undoubtedly be affected by it for some time to come.
As for me, I will be OK. I luckily have been receiving support from all of my friends and family. For today, I will go about what I need to do...
What about the driver of the train?
Did the man with the backpack have a family?
Many of us were waiting for the 9:56am train at Bayshore to go towards Penn Station. I was rummaging through my brain of the things I needed to do before my interview at 4pm, others were on their iPods; we were all just waiting. The train signals rang. I got closer to to the train platform to be towards the back of the train, This meant that I would be one of the first to see the train coming. To my let stood a middle-aged man in jeans and a long sleeved shirt and a stuffed backpack. To my right stood (what seemed to be) two grandmothers and their granddaughter - not older than 7 years.
As we all turned our heads left to watch the train apprach to a hault the man with the backpack fling himself onto the tracks. He hit the front of the train and fell. I had seen enough, as had everyone else, when the remainging waiting passengers turned their heads and filled the air with an aura of panic, uncertainty as to why this had just happened, and shock.
The train abrubtly stopped in the middle of the tracks. I walked to where I would no longer see the train - I didnt want to know what his body looked like now.
I caught my breath. A girl, about my age, came up to me and said "Did you see that? Are you okay?" I must have looked ghost white ad expressionless (as I did for the rest of the afternoon). "Yes", i replied, "Are you okay?" She was. And began to tell me she was Israeli and had fortunately never seen anything like that happen in Israel (where suicide is frequent) and had to come to Bayshore, Long Island to see it happen.
I ended up taking a cab with the Israeli girl and two other women to the next train station. I didnt want to stick around to see anything else, the news and the movies do that enough for me. During the 10 minute cab ride, two of us sat silent (I was one of them) and the others were talking about what happened.
I made it to the next station, bought a cup of green tea, and got onto the next train to NYC.
...I am not one to condemn those who wish to commit suicide. In fact, I am yet unconvinced to why, if a person is so miserable in life and wants to die, should others stop him/her. However, i do not believe that if a person is going to commit suicide he/she should do it in the public eye - and even more so to stop people from traveling and going where they need to be. (But, maybe we all need to be haulted in our daily habits once in a while?) Yet, the young girl who is too inexperienced with her emotions and perception to turn away the second he hit. She watched everything and will undoubtedly be affected by it for some time to come.
As for me, I will be OK. I luckily have been receiving support from all of my friends and family. For today, I will go about what I need to do...
What about the driver of the train?
Did the man with the backpack have a family?
posted by stephanie at
4:35 PM
1 Comments
